The holidays are a time for frantic shopping, parking lot rage as you search endlessly for a spot, and stressing out over holiday baking, right? Wrong! The funny thing is most of us know that’s not the true meaning of the holidays, yet our actions demonstrate the contrary.
For some of us, Christmas might be hitting differently this year. I’m enjoying the season as much as I can, but there is a cloud of grief that I can’t quite shake. See, my dear friend Tiffany and her son passed away in tragic car accident this past July. While this isn’t my first rodeo dealing with loss, it’s the first time as an adult that I have experienced something this tragic.
There was no time to say good-bye, no time to tell her how much she meant to me and how much I valued her friendship. This Christmas there’s no card from her with pictures of her family and a promise to come visit me soon in Greenville. Her fun-loving, sarcastic nature is noticeably missing.
So, what does this have to do with you? Everything.
There are people in your life right now that are longing for your presence. They crave your undivided attention. They love you and value you, but you haven’t stopped to pick your head up (probably from your phone/job) long enough to really engage with them.
Please don’t misunderstand – I’m not blaming you! I am giving you the gentle nudge you need to turn things around before it’s too late. If life has taught me one thing, it’s that tomorrow isn’t promised. We don’t know when our time is up. So, let’s make the most of what we do have together.
What has death taught me? The value of being truly present.
Here’s four tips that you can implement this holiday to make the most of being present with friends and family.
1. Put Away the Distractions
We live in a world of constant notifications, endless emails, and social media scrolling. One of the simplest ways to show someone you value them is to give them your undivided attention. Turn off your phone or leave it in another room when you’re spending time with loved ones.
When you’re fully present, you’ll notice things you’ve been missing. You’ll catch the sparkle in your child’s eyes as they tell you about their day. You’ll feel the warmth in your partner’s laughter when you’re truly listening. True connection starts where distractions end.
2. Prioritize Quality Time
This holiday season, focus on creating moments of connection instead of crossing tasks off your to-do list. Plan meaningful activities with your family and friends, like baking cookies together, playing board games, or simply sitting by the fire and talking.
Quality time doesn’t have to mean grand gestures. Even something as simple as taking a walk with someone can be an opportunity for deep conversation and bonding. Remember, it’s not about doing more but about doing what matters most.
3. Practice Active Listening
When someone talks to you, are you truly listening, or are you mentally planning what you’ll say next? Active listening means giving someone your full attention and being genuinely curious about what they’re saying. It’s about asking follow-up questions and showing empathy.
This holiday season, challenge yourself to be an active listener. When you’re in a conversation, make eye contact, nod to show you’re engaged, and reflect back what you’ve heard. For example, if your mom is reminiscing about her childhood holidays, you could say, “Sounds like those traditions meant a lot to you. What was your favorite memory?”
4. Be Fully Present in the Moment
Ever noticed how quickly the holidays seem to fly by? One minute you’re carving the turkey, and the next, you’re ringing in the New Year. Being fully present means savoring the moment and letting go of the need to document everything for social media.
The next time you’re at a holiday party, take a deep breath and consciously ground yourself in the experience. Notice the smell of the pizzelle cookies, the sound of children’s laughter, the taste of your grandmother’s homemade raviolis. (Can you tell I’m Italian?!) Presence isn’t just about showing up physically; it’s about engaging all your senses and truly living in the moment.
As I get ready to travel to Tampa in a few days to visit my aunt in hospice, I’m committed to unplugging and, as they say, drinking my own champagne by putting these tips into action. The long drive is a small price to pay for the opportunity to be fully present with her during this holiday season. After all, what good is it to only show up for the funeral when I have the chance to create memories now?
This holiday, instead of scouring the mall for presents and missing out on the reason for the season, focus on being present with the ones you love most. That’s the best gift of all.
Happy Holidays!
Karin Freeland is a certified Life Coach focused on helping women transform their careers and achieve their dreams by combining the lessons she learned in her 15 years in corporate with her hundreds of hours coaching. Award-winning author of “Grab Life by the Dreams“ and podcast host of “Rock Your Reinvention,” learn more about her and her company Karin Freeland Coaching & Consulting, LLC at www.karinfreeland.com.
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